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@valvation

welcome

hiya! this is my fake-blog specifically for all of my media needs. i read a lot, so i'll store my thoughts here!

you can also see a lot of my fandom takes on tumblr. here are my myanimelist & anilist profiles too ^_^

#intro
@valvation

i finished "a sign of affection" (watched it in 2 days LOL) and i really enjoyed it

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for anyone who doesn't know it, it's about a girl who's deaf, and a boy who she has a crush on. she teaches him some sign language and they fall in love. it's probably the most healthy romance i've watched in a while. like genuinely super fluffy and just sweet as a whole

the female lead is incredibly likeable and the male lead is quite possibly the greenest flag i've ever seen in anime. elite communication, respect of boundaries, moving slowly for both of their comforts, etc. the side characters are also likeable and felt developed, i liked all of their subplots

very worth the watch if u want a fun lighthearted anime that might make u cry ((there's also a manga if u prefer to read!)

#review
@valvation

gsgw chapter 119-127 spoilers

okay after finishing this arc, i have so many thoughts about braunsol— specifically just how romantic the entire arc reads. so i'll be analyzing them to hell and back

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now, one thing about braun is that the way he talks about he and soleum's friendship comes off nearly in the exact same way you'd talk about a relationship. just switch "friend" with "boyfriend" in half of the things he says, and it makes perfect sense. braun uses intimate and emotional language when referring to he and soleum's relationship. and through this, the term "good friend" itself starts to hold its own weight as well. "good friend" stops feeling like it's actually describing friendship - and more like it's describing a relationship that's acutely theirs and unique to them.

even here, when braun talks to soleum, he immediately defaults to a romantic metaphor - "if you rip up a love letter, does the relationship end?" in this case, it comes across that he's equating this romantic scenario involving a relationship to he and soleum's relationship.

of course, a lot of this can be explained by the fact braun is a host who expresses himself in a very exaggerated way that just screams showmanship. but he only talks like this to soleum. soleum is different to braun than anyone else, and that becomes abundantly clear the more you read about them.

and this is self explanatory. what else is an "eternal friendship"? in most cases, saying something like this would be taken as a declaration of love. saying something, especially your relationship with someone, is eternal is uniquely intimate.

i also find the detail of soleum mentioning he and braun's hand sizes in the narration very interesting?? i lost it when i got to this part i've gotta be so honest. i believe this is mainly meant to highlight how powerful braun is in comparison to soleum, and the power imbalance between them in general - portraying soleum as much smaller and weaker than braun, who's monstrous. but, just from an outsider's perspective... i've only seen hand sizes compared like this in yaoi

once again, showing the power imbalance between them - along with braun's understanding of soleum. braun knows soleum in ways nobody else does. because he's soleum's "good friend". in a way, isn't the deepest kind of intimacy for someone to truly know you - even the fact you're a coward - and love you anyway? ...even if they use it to manipulate you, i guess

now, this is a stretch, i'm aware. but i wanted to mention it because i think it's interesting personally! soleum's inner conflict between the talkshow and daydream reads as very queer to me when you look at it in a certain way.

daydream is dangerous. it makes soleum stressed - it hurts him. it puts his life in danger, but he still goes to work there every day because it's what he has to do. braun's talkshow is offering him everything that sounds too good to be true. a work environment where he can express himself creatively - where he can put his talents to good use. where he can live without the stress and danger he faces on a daily basis. and yet, soleum is so averse to it. he feels sick during the entire conversation. he acknowledges the fact it sounds good. but he can't accept it. even when the conditions sound like they would be better for him, he feels disgusting at even the idea.

^^^ of course, this is because of the fact braun's talkshow is a darkness, soleum wants to go home, and soleum is being persuaded - but isn't it interesting to look at this from the perspective of internalized homophobia? putting up with something that hurts you constantly, but when something better - that allows you to express yourself comes along - being unable to accept it without feeling your entire body resist. without feeling sick.

once again, braun using very emotional and vivid language towards soleum while describing their dynamic. "a mutually supportive relationship" - "emotional and one-sided rejection" - "heartbreaking" - if someone told me i was listening to a fight between a couple, i wouldn't question it. the manipulation tactics braun uses in order to persuade soleum are also especially interesting when viewed as being used in the context of a romantic relationship. it's accurate to many real life relationships.

this conversation can very much be read under the lens of consent. i'm not implying that braun has, or would, assault soleum sexually - and i believe it would be wholly out of character for him. but there's something to be said about the fact coercion was used, even if simply for getting soleum to work alongside him.

while soleum showed clear hesitance, refused several times, and had what almost seemed like a panic attack that braun acknowledged by helping him calm down from, braun continued to persuade him, and ultimately it worked. consent doesn't just apply to sexual relations. consent is important in nearly every aspect of our lives. a "no" means no, hesitation means no, having a panic attack over it definitely means no.

"you said it yourself. that if i wasn't enjoying it, you'd let me go. so let me go. i'm scared, and i'm not enjoying this." this is soleum blatantly discussing his boundaries regarding the lack of consent in this situation. despite braun saying he would let him go, he doesn't do so readily when the time comes - and as a horror entity, braun doesn't have much of an understanding of consent or boundaries to begin with. coercion, under-negotiated relationship terms, etc. all apply to this arc

are you kidding me... "watching the friend who had been just beyond his reach" - this is yearning!! braun is yearning for soleum!! and in that same way, soleum is also yearning for braun! yearning for his "good friend"... and the entity behind it

switching things up a bit here - this time it's soleum using the relationship-coded language while talking to braun! communicating properly, i'm so proud of my babies to see it. the "didn't you feel the same"? feels especially pointed here to me. reading this under the lens of "didn't you feel love for me too?" or something along those lines makes the entire thing so much more impactful imo

this entire thing is so clearly them working out negotiations for their relationship going forward, and it's so so special to me. whether you read this from the perspective of a platonic relationship or a romantic one, i think it carries the same weight. their relationship was set on uneven footing from the start. not only from their literal, physical power imbalance - but also due to their dynamic.

soleum's fear, walking on eggshells around braun constantly, and braun's lack of understanding or regard for soleum's boundaries. while braun, who has a very different perspective of things compared to soleum, assumes not being together in the way they were means they won't be together at all, soleum is able to reassure him that that's not true.

they're not ending things. they're trying again. this time with a more solid foundation going forward, and clear, negotiated terms between them. getting-back-together energy, truly

even as braun says he may not be as good as he was, soleum reassures him. despite it being the "divorce arc", this is such a hopeful ending for their break up.

"see you again."

#analysis
@valvation

gsgw jisan arc spoilers

i need to see more people talking about how baek saheon was raised in a cult. not just passing mentions of it or how his sister died (though this is an important aspect), but how traumatizing growing up in that environment itself was

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this line in itself has so many implications. it's horrifying to think about

cults isolate their members. they socially condition them. in most cases, they start off seeming "nice." support from a group of people—going to group gatherings—finding a place to "belong." but gradually they isolate the victim and indoctrinate them. they take natural, human desires - love, connection, happiness - and twist them until they're able to control a person's life. and by the time you notice? you're already so far in. now imagine being raised in that environment - which is unfortunately the reality for many people.

we know baek saheon wanted to leave the cult more than anything, and he hated living there. we know he still hated being required to go back. but, here's the thing - we see, on page, his behavior is affected by his cult conditioning.

what we see from him during the jisan village arc, at least in the beginning, goes against what we've already seen from his demeanor. we know saheon to be someone with strong survival instincts. he's self-serving and abrasive. but during the festival? he's actively helping out, even when he looks like he'd rather be doing anything else. when he's asked to let strangers stay in his home, he does. baek saheon has left jisan by now. he doesn't live there anymore full-time. but when he goes back home and he's back in that environment, we can see how his cult conditioning shines through his actions. it's resignation. and resignation is something cults will latch onto.

not to mention how the cult saheon was raised in was literally sacrificing and killing people. can we talk about the horror of growing up around this? of losing his sister to the same thing?

leaving jisan must have been so hard for saheon to begin with. even though he wanted to more than anything, growing up conditioned so heavily and then suddenly being handed complete freedom (aside from visiting his hometown to not go insane) must've been so incredibly jarring.

#analysis